Babs, shut up

So Barbra Streisand played in Castletown House, Co. Kildare last night. Her first ever Irish date apparently. This obviously merits fans idiots paying up to 600e for a ticket. Bitch will be coming back every weekend if people are willing to shell out over a weeks wages or so to sit through this hag wailing out hits such as “Papa, Can You Hear Me?” Yes, I also hate that song, and in my humble opinion, Nelson does it better merit. Homegirl sings this merry little tune while cross dressed in some boring movie that yer Mum likes.

Seriously though, where does this bitch get off charging such high prices, basically milking her fans for all they are worth. I wouldn’t pay that much to see my favorite band/singer, just out of pure protest. It’s absurb to think that someone deserves this kind of money for prancing around on a stage doing something that comes totally natural to them. Does she think she is some sort of elite? Obviously.

A hefty security team is also expected to protect her from prying eyes while in residence at Dublin’s Four Seasons Hotel. Reports suggest the 65-year-old singer will be guarded at all times to ensure fans or even hotel staff do not approach her or even look the performer in the eye. Funny girl.

If I came across her I’d challenge her to a fucking staring contest.

I almost felt bad for the smug smile than came across my face when driving around in a torrential storm of rain yesterday. Karma. Or else God is pissed off that someone is trying to rob his crown. Fancy that, fork out 500 squids to be muddy and drenched whilst a pissed off ‘deeva’ belts out yet another slow ballad that sounds suspiciously similar to the ten others that came before it.

My Mum was utterly disraught that she isn’t a moron and chose not to go the the concert. I was proud of this decision, but started to wish she had of. All of this morning I subjected to hours of Barbs LIVE in concert CD while she ironed. Luckily I soon became numb to the sound of aging hags, so much so that many a customers order at work fell on deaf ears.

Just another American that thinks all we do in Ireland is eat coddle. SIGH, you’re so predictable darling. I’d rather see you down a pint of Guinness like our man Justin Timerlake. At least he humoured the stereotype a bit.

Barbra. Babs, can I call you Babs? No? OK Babs, come back down here, it may be lonely and pays less, but please, come join us in reality. Before you get smacked into it.

Real women, are fat?

So I hate to get my blog off to a negative start, but I’d rather talk about something substantial than the recent midweek stay I endured in Galway city. On the long drive from Dublin, I found myself lacking any means of entertainment than the rare cow that would appear stray along the road.

Radio also lowers in standard the furthest you drive from Dublin. While listening to some bullshit talk show (just play music for fucks sake) I was pissed off, for want of a better word, at a competition that was being held on a clothing website, Simplybe.ie. The radio host and some, presumably fat bitch, representing the website were discussing what it means to be a ‘real woman’. A real woman, according to their definition, is ‘curvy’, and we all know that this is PC for fat. While criticizing the likes of Victoria Beckham for being too thin, and apparently not a ‘real woman’, the host seemed to almost praise the website, like they were doing fat women everywhere a favour.

Correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t being too thin exactly the same as carrying extra flesh luggage, in terms of health damage? Both are fucking you up. Calling curvy women, real women, is not only patronising to the fats, it’s also a fucking belittling insult to slender women. Pile on the pounds bitches, that’ll make you hot. Don’t believe your eyes when you look at a thin, slender woman and think, ‘wow, she’s attractive.’ It’s just the media fooling you, you really think that slobby mess over there is the hot one. She’s the only one realistically in your reach, do not aspire for more.

Terms to this competition?

Over 18’s only, size 14 to 32 women only, ROI residents only.

Is this not as bad as, size 0 and below women only? Yes, it is. The whole thing to me is just so condescending.  In fact, they should just spit it out. ‘Fat? Overindulge and it shows? We have sympathy for you! Come model for us and highlight to everyone that you are fat and you know it, afterall, you’ve just won a competition for it! We here at Simplybe are all about, diversity. We are giving you a chance, a chance to show the world that slender women are just an illusion, you are real.

Simplybe – giving fat women a chance, because they can’t get one without a special competition.